Our disgraced royalty corespondent Angus Young pulls out his old state visit diaries to uncover the dates Mr Never-Sweat visited East Yorkshire.
There will be no more bowing or curtsying if Andrew Albert Christian Edward Mountbatten Windsor ever returns this particular neck of the woods. (Quite right, too – Ed.)
Once known as Prince Andrew, the King’s younger brother is now officially called Andy No-Mates (or something very similar) after being stripped of his royal titles and evicted from his rent-free 30-room cottage. However, just in case he’s planning a new life away from it all in a remote corner of East Yorkshire, here’s an exclusive Curiosity cut-out-and-keep souvenir wall chart of his previous visits here and how they dovetailed with, er, other events.
May 1996: The divorce between Andrew and wife Sarah is announced.
May 1997: As Patron of the Royal Navy Historic Flight, he visits British Aerospace in Brough to attend a ceremony marking the restoration of a Seafury aircraft. No mention of the divorce is allowed.
February 1999: Andrew has a brief romance with socialite Lady Victoria Hervey who later has a fling with Boyzone’s Shane Lynch.
March 1999: An official visit to Stamford Bridge to see flood damage after the River Derwent burst its banks. There’s no sign of Lady Hervey in her wellies.
Summer 1999: The then Prince is introduced to a certain Jeffrey Epstein for the first time by Ghislaine Maxwell at Balmoral Castle. It’s not known if flooding in Stamford Bridge is discussed.
December 1999: He’s back in Stamford Bridge again, this time visiting a plastics factory which makes parts for Dyson vacuum cleaners. Insert joke here.
Summer 2000: On a break from visiting Stamford Bridge he’s spotted on holiday with Maxwell and Epstein at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago club in Florida.
May 2014: Andrew visits Pocklington School as it marks its 500th anniversary. Watching a display by the school’s cadet force taking part in a mock casualty exercise caused by unopened tins of baked beans exploding on a camp fire, he exclaims: “There are beans everywhere!”
Also in 2014: By now, Epstein has served a 13-month jail sentence on charges of procuring an underage girl for prostitution, Andrew has been photographed visiting Epstein in New York after his release from prison and Virginia Guiffre has claimed he had sex with her three times, allegations which he continues to deny.
November 2014: Sirius Academy West and Malet Lambert School in Hull both roll out the red carpet for His Royal Highness at separate Enterprise Showcase events. No mention is made of Epstein’s particular entrepreneurial talents at either event.
April 2015: Court documents in the Epstein case in Florida reveal allegations Ms Guiffre was forced to have sex with Andrew when she was 17 – under the state’s age of consent.
March 2017: Andrew is back in Brough to officially open the new Humber Enterprise Park which occupies part of the former British Aerospace site. It’s a long way from Florida.
January 2022: Buckingham Palace announces that Andrew’s military titles – including Colonel-in-Chief of the Yorkshire Regiment – have been returned to the Queen as he faces a US civil claim by Virginia Guiffre over sexual assault.
February 2022: An out-of-court settlement involving an undisclosed sum for Ms Guiffre is agreed before the case is heard. It’s later reported the sum is £12m.
Angus Young